I've been thinking about our personal narratives—the way each of us tells our own personal story to ourselves and to others. Two people walking paths that look similar can nonetheless see their journeys quite differently. Did I "drop out of high school" or did I "go to college early"?
Do you see yourself as the victim of circumstances? Or the beneficiary, or maybe the product? Or do you see yourself as the architect and builder of your life? Do you feel lucky or do you feel like you were dealt a bad hand of cards? Do you feel that you worked hard for what you've got? Do you feel guilty about what you have?
Do you trot out your blue collar credentials, your private school education, your activist past, or your international experience? Do you think of yourself as ordinary, a regular joe, one of the people? Or do you think of yourself as extraordinary, unconventional, apart from the masses? If you see yourself as middle class, do you think of that as a financial classification or a values classification?
What would be the most flattering thing a new acquaintance could say about you? What would be the most humiliating?
Along with these questions, I've been thinking about how we deal with our own evolving narrative. As we change (and we all do), we may be aware of those changes, embrace them, ignore them, feel slightly embarrassed by our past. I've noticed that some people seem able to completely shift their values without any reference to their past position, no apparent discomfort with holding an opinion opposite to what they once had.
I am one of those who feel a need to explain why my position has changed or at least to acknowledge that it has. For example, I can't mention my approbation for school uniforms without mentioning how horrified my younger self would have been by my taking that position. I suppose it's because I still like that young woman, I feel fond of her while still being quite happy to have outgrown her, or at least to have grown out of her.
Listen to the stories around you, the stories people tell about themselves. It's not about the plot, not about what happened, but about the characters, and particularly how they are situated in the world vis-a-vis other characters and vis-a-vis the circumstances of their lives. Keep listening.
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3 comments:
We were just talking about this luck thing on the way home from the bay area yesterday. David O. and Eli always felt they were particularly lucky, at least in certain ways. Getting assigned to kitchen work on the ship, and of course, getting sent to Hawaii for assignment (David), always getting parking spot, the free t-shirt (as the Berkeley street festival yesterday,for instance), doors opening at just the right time... (Eli)
Hey, I didn't hear about the free t-shirt, but of course I'm not surprised because we all know dad is extra lucky!
I often feel fortunate, which maybe is different from lucky? I don't feel like extraordinary things happen to me (that's what I would call luck), but that things always work out for me, which makes me feel fortunate or grateful.
I often feel blessed on where I grew up, the people I love, my beautiful family. But of thinking about it, I realised that I did feel a bit 'tricked' into doing a PhD,kind of blame it on my supervisor for suggesting I do it! Now that I realise that I can think about how much I have enjoyed it, and how lucky (!) I am to have ended up where I am.
I feel very fortunate to be sharing my life with someone I really love and respect. Last night I was reading a book where the main character is told he will be dead (of cancer) in a year. He quotes Nietzsche when he says, if that was life, then once again! His meaning being if it is if I had to live this same life now over and over again, would I do things as I am now? Am i true to my heart. He found that he was, so he went on exactly as he had all his life with the same job, in the same house, until his death.
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