The Pedestal
It got where she was used
to the pedestal.
She couldn't even remember
when or how she was put there.
But then she decided
she didn't like it. She wanted
off.
So she took a deep breath
and leapt, kicking the plinth
as she went.
She heard it fall, and
shatter. That was when
she realized that she herself
had not fallen,
that she couldn't breathe,
that she was hanging
from the silk cord
she had always thought was
a scarf.
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3 comments:
David,
Thanks for the chord/cord correction!
The poem clearly needs work, but there's no point in leaving typos/misspellings uncorrected.
i like this one; what do the first two sentences do for us though? if you say she wanted off, then you could assume she didn't like it. Maybe it matters that she had gotten used to it? (i'm assuming you post because you want critique))
Thanks for reading and commenting, swjonas.
The first two lines (It got where she was used/to the pedestal) are meant to situate the protagonist and also allow us to infer that she wasn't always used to being there, that there was a time when it was, perhaps, a novelty. The first three words are clunky, though, aren't they?
I think the key with "she didn't like it" is the preceding line "But then she decided" because it implies that it isn't necessarily a long-standing resentment. At least, what I want to get across is that she may have changed her mind kind of suddenly, on a whim, without much thought. Does that not come across?
One of the problems for me in working on this poem is that I don't have a completely clear idea about this protagonist. Did she perhaps seek the limelight, to be lifted up above the crowd?
I have this image of her looking around and kind of suddenly seeing where she is, where she has been for almost as long as she can remember, being suddenly dissatisfied, and a little impulsively jumping off.
I welcome more feedback, reactions, comments!
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